that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
