I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
