I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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