so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
