I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
