3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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