nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
