apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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