he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
