I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
