im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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