ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
