Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
