My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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