Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
