No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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