thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Nicole vs. Life
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize