i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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