its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
