WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
