I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
