Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
