I should be sponsored by Trojan
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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