he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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