I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
