I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
