yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
