All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
