if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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