Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
