im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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