she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
