Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
