is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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