why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Two words: nipple clamps
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