this beer tastes like vomit already
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
