I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
