i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You were trust falling into bushes
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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