so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
