Michael Bay diarrhea
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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