Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
