Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
