question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
whose ass print is on the piano?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
