btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The power of my boobs compel you
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
