So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
