I love having hate sex.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
