After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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