Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
