did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
