I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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