So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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